Expectations

Today, as I sit down to write this article, I cannot focus… Most of my thoughts are going astray…cannot focus on anything specific. But I think I need to write… I am not good at talking… Most people doesn’t understand me; and I can’t somehow comfortably speak up freely. I am jealous of people who can unload a lot of what is on their mind after a conversation. I don’t play much games, some people relax by spending hitting the arrow buttons on their keyboards.

So what is this I am so frustrated about today? My expectations. Somehow I feel that I have let down everyone, let down myself. Somehow if I could confine myself in the room in the background picture of the blog theme.

I thought by this age I would amount to something, would be someone. But all I am is one of the many bobbling heads. I am alone. At the very least, I thought I wouldn’t be depressed. But here I am.

<<after a bit of thinking>>

I somehow realise that I lack perseverance to pursue something to the very end. I start with projects but somehow I lose interest mid-way. Sometimes the people I’m working with lose interest and I’m left all alone to fend for myself. As much as I would like to blame society for it, I know good as hell that I am also a part of this society. Sometimes my urge to start all over again smacks of my lack of perseverance.

I think someone would be a perfect man if he could go on for almost to his death focussed on a single goal. Such a person would be disciplined.Maybe this is what the muni rishis of ancient India ere made of. On somewhat a bit of thinking, I think all the so called “desirable” qualities are all but derivatives if this thing called discipline. It makes someone responsible. It gives them the strength to be diligent. It gives them the “I get the job done” tag. A TAG WHICH I ALWAYS WANT.